<<<I always make long replies. Sigh. I guess I just add big ones to the pile of crap, eh.>>>

You know, I'm really going to miss these times. The times when I can stay up to the wee small hours of the morning, making up extremely stupid and yet totally hillarious songs with my brother, with titles like "Rawhide Chew Ya' Boobies" and "Dew Worms and Spawn", and even such immaginative ones like "Wood in my Sock" and "Please Remove This From My Body" (thank you, mum). The early moments of Well Paved Road are upon us, even if two of the founding members are sick, one with "death" and one with strep throat.

<<<I miss staying up late at night and flipping back and forth from reading a good book, eating yesterday's pizza while drinking a can of Coke (tm) to engaging my imagination in some creative writing that will never see the light of day. These chances do become more rare, but when you get the chance, even if you don't feel like doing it, do it.>>>

In these wee small hours, I find myself pinning for Colorado, or even Maine, wishing that I had never come back and that I live on the top of a mountain, were I could see for miles around, with the sea at my feet, and the wind on my back. Whether it's in the young and angry mountains of the Colorado Rockies, or the old and gentled mountains of the Alps. I find myself wishing that I was sitting again on the cliff-like shores of Maine, watching the moon in a cloudless sky hover over the Atlantic Ocean, and wishing fervently that I knew enough about photography to take a picture that would do the scene justice. Wishing that I could have shared that scene with all of you.

<<<I've only realized this for myself this last year, and it has been the hardest lesson I have learned: follow your heart, and where it leads you. If you know where you want to be, go there; life is not meant to be spent pining for the fjords. >>>

Perhaps I am getting old, in my young age&#8230;.. That I dare give myself licence to consider myself "experienced"?

<<<It kicks in when you look back on the last several years of your life and see how much you have learned, compared to when you were between 6 and 10, and how much more life you have to&#8230; do what with? Even if you're 29 instead of 19, you are still young. Those years where you feel old and yet are young, are the ones I think might be the most difficult. Wear the licence proudly, from here in you just earn more merit points.>>>

I am shocked at my own temerity, my own arrogance, to suggest that I am ready to move on to whatever afterlife awaits us, that I have learned all of life's lessons.

<<<You have not learned all of life's lessons; neither have I, nor my mother or grandmother. Peace at the thought of dead is not a sign you are ready for it, rather a sign you have taken the walk in life through the mists of fear, and have emerged wiser. Not that the mists are gone forever.>>>

I have yet to become truely, truely accustomed to acknowledging my darker side and the primative feelings that side evokes&#8230;&#8230; I have yet to be totally wacky in public, defying all I and anyone else ever knew of me.

<<<It is there in all of us. Accustomed to the darker side&#8230; we should not be; accepting, yes. Not an easy thing to be able to say, when it comes to X, I am weak, I give in. Going around and being wacky in public is a similar path; you forget what the outside world cares about, and just act.>>>

Is this something everyone goes though as they notice the passing of the days, and know that their youth is slowly draining away, and before they realize it they will be old, and mooning away for their lost youth? That the behavior they are used to becomes foolish and childish and they are forced to "grow up" and leave everything behind?

<<<Yes, absolutely everyone goes through it, without a doubt. We all think we are foolish but perhaps it is because we do not realize everyone is going through it, just like puberty. Laugh at yourself !>>>

Should I stop these thoughts before they pull me in again, keeping me even more awake while I try to sort them out?
<<<Stop actions on thought, not thought itself.>>>

Should I stop this article before it continues and leaves all of you with an image of me as a fool?
<<<I pity the foo!
(sorry)>>>

What will it take to humble me?
<<<Bad experiences is one route. Acceptance of oneself is a better one. Remember, that means everything about yourself.>>>

There is much I have to learn, however old I feel. There is always something to learn.
<<<See, you know that already despite your worries.>>>

It is the only comfort that can be drawn, as you realize the passing days are slipping by, leaving you behind unless you run to catch up. Always remember to learn...and live.
<<<There are many more comforts in life, and you will learn what they are.>>>

Fare thee well, passing years
On your wayward journey.
I expect not to see you again
Nor force myself to bury
The happiness that was, and now
Is no longer
To make way for changing times,
Where I am doomed to wander
RSM, 2001

<<<beautiful>>>

uh, Word fucked up my document. Auto-spellcheck ruined some grammar, and, "&#8230;" = "..."