So, I'm drunk and I'm watching the third and fourth installment of texas chainsaw massacre. This one is called 'return of ...' and I'm trying to think of what's actually returning. So, lets look at some history. I watched the first two last night, while sober so I've accumulated some opinion.

The first one rolled in 1974, and I'm sure even though I wasn't born it was one freaky mother-fucker movie. It was somewhat freaky, concidering it was 'based on true events' and very risk-ay for the time. So, who cares. Was the director, Tobe (Tob-ee, fuck what a bad spelling!) Hooper desperate for cash after a big winner on the first round? I don't know.

The second one (1984) was a horrid, incredibly horrid, re-enactment of the first. The story was incredibly similar to the first, and it wasn't about to stop there. Unfortunately. It's scary to think that Dennis Hopper whom was 30 years into his carreer (yeah, he's no spring chicken) would stoop to the level of the second installment of this horrid series of movies. Not to mention the fact that Renee Zellweger (she's kinda cute, yo) and Matthew McConaughey would get a push on their careers in the fourth installment (1994) of this, still, actually, even worse, horrid series. Scary isn't it? I've got nothing to say on the third (1990), there was nothing worth mentioning.

Everytime, it's the same story. Somebody, an indivudual, a group, somewhere gets lost in the middle of butt-fuck texas, only to be captured and/or chased by some fuck-face (also known as leatherface) and his lunatic relatives with a chainsaw or something else stupid - whom by now you'd figure would know how to actually handle a chainsaw, or for one thing know how to keep a captive... captive. Their chainsaw handing capabilities are far below par in my opinion. And a girl, every time, escapes. What the fuck is up with that. There's no story to these movies and it makes me wonder why they ever existed.

What's even worse is the fact that they've re-made the first one. And Jessica Biel is in it. Is her career that sour? I'm sorry girl, you're cute, but this... this is bad news. I urge every human out there to disregard this remake, and save your precious pennies for something worth seeing. This, the remake, isn't by far anything worth spending your $10, $12, $15 on. Keep it, save it for something I urge you. Do not fall for this evil, stupid, raping of your history. Think about it, your being bent over sideways on familiarity for your money, that's all it is. The movie will suck; it's in the history books.

That's all I have to say.