And then Jesus rose from his tomb, and stretched and looked around, and said, "Which one of you did that?"

"Did what?" the people asked.

"Put that bloody great rock there, that's what!" Jesus yelled. "Do you know how long it took me to push that out of the way? Three days! Three days without food and water, mind."

And the people quailed, knowing that if they owned up the Wrath of God would be upon them.

"Um," ventured one citizen into the silence that followed. "Not me."

And Jesus looked at him and said, "No, it wasn't you."

And another citizen said, "It wasn't me, Jesus!"

And Jesus looked at him and said, "No, it wasn't you either."

And another citizen said, "It wasn't me either, Jesus!"

And Jesus said, "Don't lie! I knows it was you! I saw you do it!"

"But Jesus," someone said after a while. "You were dead."

And Jesus said, "No I wasn't you daft bugger. I was sleeping. Couldn't keep my eyes open, waiting for someone to get me down. Especially after I'd gone and gotten stuck on those nails. And did any of you help? No! You left me up there, and when I fall asleep, you shut me in a bloody great hole in the ground! Damn the lot of you!

And then Jesus turned from the crowed, and raised his hands, and spake thusly to his Father in Heaven:

Pardon my insanity. I'm hopped up on chocolate wabbits

 

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